new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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