So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
