sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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