Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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