I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
vagina is talking i cant
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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