I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
