Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize