I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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