watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I party with great urgency now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
