Who wears a wallet chain?!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Randomize
