he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
