I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
