can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
