Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
its liver damage thursday
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize