Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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