Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
