Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
