this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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