so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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