you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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