if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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