I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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