My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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