day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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