So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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