I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
