Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I love having hate sex.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
