Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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