Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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