I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
