Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
so much tequila, so little girl.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
