Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
