my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't turn off my feet"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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