She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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