His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
