Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
