We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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