Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
