I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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