A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize