I think scott just propositioned me for sex
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
