I wish I could teleport
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
