The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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