Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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