just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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