Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize