i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
