This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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