I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
