i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
