I wish I could teleport
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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