I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
