You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
