I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
