someone threw a dead crab at me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ketchup is God's man juice
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
