Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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