hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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