Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
