In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
