Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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