So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
