another moral hangover. fuck.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
