he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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