I wish I could teleport
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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