I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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