my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
