Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
