i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
