yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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