i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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