very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
