So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize