I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
