haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
