We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
