I'm really into asian looking animals
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize