i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
