you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
