i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
