I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
