he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
