i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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