I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
