Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize