What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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