is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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