Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
