Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
