I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
