I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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