Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pappa wants mamma naked
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
