I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
