if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
