Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
