How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
