There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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