I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
