Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
