Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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