Just fell off a train. Bad.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
