In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
